I had time to think between these holidays.
To think about how I want this year to be different, really different. How I’d do anything to drag myself out of these autoblocks and stupid thoughts that used to block me.
Fear, and pain more than anything, I don’t want ‘em to stop me anymore. I don’t want anything to stop me anymore.
I was walking around stores and I noticed a lot of things, things I would have ignored some years ago. “Signs” are slowly getting back to me, intrest in things, in people. And I want it to stay.
And I was thinking, I was thinking… I would love to show these things to you, one day. But it’s ok. That’s basically all I was thinking about while working, and that probably shows up.
I whined way too much about what happens and happened in my life. It’s not so bad afterall, so I could even lift my butt from this couch, and damnit, do something now. Live something. Allow myself to think at something.
And if someone comes to bug me about this, my answer will be only one: “So what?”