And it was a day of summer, Gods bless irony, that I finally saw that complete bullshit of 500 Days of Summer.
Bullshit over posted on tumblr, which sentences a lot of people, I believe, can relate to.
I used to think I did, too. Who knows, maybe I do.
This hot weather is way too harsh for my already bad health, so trying to reach the bathroom I crashed on a wall as I saw that again. That photo.
How many traces of a past in which I believed I knew about my future, at least a bit. In which I knew none of these people were unworthy of a place on my wall. I crawled to the small frame, and I threw it far, on a room I don’t even use anymore. It sank in the darkness, bouncing on a bed full of trash to re-organise, leaving that wall finally blank.
I don’t want to see her face staring at me, pretending she’s going to stick with me.
That belongs to the trash of a child who really didn’t want to born, a life that really didn’t want to start going well as I planned. On the opposite, quite left me without a base.
The damn planet that has her name shines over a place that’s not telling me anything, the air is rather hard to breathe. Staring at the walls, more and more empty as years pass by, I suddenly realize what my Kenophobia was really about. I didn’t really fear not to leave a trace.
I feared nothing would stay on my walls, in the end, and I slowly, only, permanently, kept losing everything I thought I had.
So where am I, now? The calendar is no longer there, I wonder where is it gone, how did it happen.
And what are you exactly now?
My Summer, or my Autumn?
I want to hang that drawing on my wall, but I want it to be MY wall so this is going to wait for a while.
I’ll just bring it around with me in my laptop’s bag.
Meanwhile, I realise my closure is getting worse and worse. I know it’s NOT in my nature, but I think it’s not in my nature to fight for lost causes.
I forgot what else I had to write, frankly, this connection, this weather, I don’t know, will this nuisance end any soon?
I just want a life without hot seasons.